i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
