Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just high enough for therapy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
