now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
