So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
