someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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