If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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