he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
