I like to think it a success when the cops are called
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
