Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
