Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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