i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
