Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
