Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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