why didn't you poke me back
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
