ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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