and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
His hands were made for my vagina.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize