my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
