I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
