i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
