My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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