Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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