You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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