How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am mentally ready for anal.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
