He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
