You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
