I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
