How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
