I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
