You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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