Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How does one acquire holy water?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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