his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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