i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
