I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
