you would pick up someone in the library
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
