The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize