He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
