im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
