just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
