Christians are straight up FREAKS
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
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Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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