i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
