ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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