Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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