you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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