I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize