She is in my trunk
I'm passing your future prison.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
