And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the liver wants what the liver wants
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
