Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I stole a fireplace last night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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