Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
