Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
