i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
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It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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