I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
