She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
