SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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