so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
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How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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