i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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