On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
