one might say we're banned from that church
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
