bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
