omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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