drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
