I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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