just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
