it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
