I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
