it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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