I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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