I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
