dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My bed smells like the plague
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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