All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
