Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
