i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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